Home CONFIRE The Sometimes Uneasy Life of a Fire Wife

The Sometimes Uneasy Life of a Fire Wife

by ECT

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As we stand in awe having watched the smoke rise high above Mount Diablo since Sunday afternoon while admiring the red glow at night, our thoughts go to the brave firefighters who battle the fire to protect our community.

While the firefighter gets praise for their dedication to protecting the community, few people take notice they sacrifice their comfort, family time and many other obligations. The forgotten factor in the life of a firefighter is the toll it takes on their family.

They have spouses, parents and children who are left behind, often for days and sometimes weeks, who sit at home and watch it all unfold on television or the internet. Sometimes as news reports a change in condition or hear of an injured firefighter they race for information. Minutes feel like hours, 24-hours feels like weeks, when a loved one can’t check in while on scene.

Take for instance the Morgan Territory fire where one firefighter was injured Sunday evening while two others were treated for heat exhaustion Monday. The news may report it in an instant, but it’s the firefighter’s families who are left scrambling for answers.

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Fire wife Kristin Bianco knows this feeling all too well as her husband is a firefighter from South San Francisco and travels across the state to fight fires weeks at a time. Currently he is up North at the Oregon Border at a camp where they combined 3-fires—Salmon, Trinity, Forks fires.

With a 12-hour notice, her husband has been stationed up north there 21-days and says she maybe gets to speak with him every other day and can only speak to him when he comes into base camp. She explained he is camping with fire crews on the line trying to hold the fire from spreading.

She admits the worry never goes away even after being married for 20-years and dealing with strike team mobilization.

“There is so many emotions that it’s hard to pinpoint one thing from worrying, to making everything sound happy and running as smooth as can be to keep stress levels, “explained Bianco. “Like tonight, I don’t know what he is doing I haven’t talked to him in a day and a half. I am sure he is alright because no one has called me but it’s the fear of the unknown. It’s hard when the kids want him home.”

She adds that since she works for AMR,  she has a lot of fire friends and has lost five fire friends over the last five years and the worry never goes away whether it’s a strike team, residential fire, or other type of incident. With the Mt. Diablo fire being so close to home, she admits the ECCFPD and CONFIRE families have it tough since its on the news.

Still, her heart is with the ECCFPD and CONFIRE families because its so local and on the news often.

“I feel bad for ECCFPD and CONFIRE fire wives because all their kids are so young. There is nothing worse than having to worry about your husband on strike team, take care of kids at home, and having kids worry about their dad. It was worse for the local fire families because it was on the local news every 15-minutes. I think they had it tougher,” said Bianco.

For many firefighter wives, life changes in an instance depending on the day and incident type where husbands are dispatched to a call quickly with no questions asked except for instant reaction to the task at hand.

Sometimes it’s a false alarm and they are back in the station in 10-minutes. Sometimes it’s a few hours or in the case of Mt. Diablo, firefighters are on scene for more than 24-hours with little communication to loved ones.

Leah Walker, a newlywed, married to Contra Costa County Firefighter Justin Walker found out just as the story broke that her husband was going to Morgan Territory. He was on duty at Station 10 in Concord and had to depart quickly.

There wasn’t time for preparation, hugs or goodbyes. It was sudden and quick.

“It is certainly hard to have my husband away from home for extended periods of time, but I take pride in knowing he is protecting homes and lives of the community he serves. Staying focused on that makes it easier. To support him I stay positive and encouraging, doing what I can to come alongside of him and help. I also try to make our time together quality time,” says Walker.

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East Contra Costa County Firefighter, Bob May, was also called out to the Morgan Territory while working at Station 54 in downtown Brentwood. His wife, Ida, has been a firefighter wife for the last twelve years.

“It’s never easy when your husband gets called out on a strike team. It makes me nervous and uneasy knowing they are in the middle of that wild mess, wind, fire and tough terrain. Things can go wrong in a minute. We have limited communication and it’s a waiting game to the next time we hear from them….all you have is the media and scanners to hear what’s going on,” says Ida May. “We have to be strong for our husbands and kids and maintain a house knowing they are on the front line doing what they love.”

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Fellow East Contra Costa County fire wife, Jeannette Ruddick, feels the same way. Her husband, Robert Ruddick, was on duty at Station 52 in Brentwood when he got the call.

“I never expected to be a fire wife. I fell in love with a man who fell in love with firefighting and serving the East Contra Costa area. I support him and his passion for the fire service with all my heart,” says Ruddick.

Ruddick explained that her husband went to work Sunday responding to a vegetation fire on Morgan territory Road about 1 o’clock and the next thing she knows the entire mountain is on fire.

“I don’t know where he is or how he is doing; I do not know when he will come home. I have to trust in his training and his crew, and prepare my family for what I can only assume is at least a week without him, “explained Ruddick. “I know vegetation fires turn quickly; there are plenty of examples of incidences going terribly wrong. I worry, I cry and I talk to family and other fire wives.

Over the years, she coups with the unknowns by ensuring she continues with her daily routine of keeping the house clean, going to work, and raising her family.

“I will see my husband again soon. I will hug him a little tighter; I will kiss him a little longer. But until then, I am on my own,” said Ruddick.

In the case of the Morgan Territory Road fire, strike teams are assembled and set to fight the fire—since this was a State Park, CALFIRE was the lead agency sending multiple Strike Teams.

According to the CALFIRE terminology, a CAL FIRE crew strike team consists of a strike team leader, and two fire crews. All CAL FIRE crews are Type I crews. These crews are highly trained wildland firefighters and are fully equipped to respond to wildland fires anywhere in the state with minimal support. Each fire crew carries enough supplies and food to last for about two days. The only additional support that would be needed is drinking water and fuel for chainsaws.

The minimum staffing for a Type I crew strike team is 30 firefighters.

There are many times in ones firefighting career when they are called out to a strike team. It is always sudden and unexpected. One must leave quickly and their family is left to take care of the business left behind.

They must be strong, hold their head high and have faith they will come home safe. This is especially true if they have children.

This is a concern that Rayna Hess, wife of Contra Costa County Firefighter, Jason Hess, has had to face.

“When my husband leaves me to go off and fight a big fire my first thought is how proud I am that I chose the kind of man who risks everything to help people. I think of how proud my son will be, knowing what his dad does. That is my first thought, “says Rayna Hess. “Then as I watch him drive away the real stuff shows up. My fear! Every time he leaves me to go and do such a dangerous job I fear that he will be hurt, that will see something that will keep him up at night, that he will lose a friend that he loves like a brother and the scariest of all, not come home. I fear that this is the last time I will get to hug him, I fear that my son will not grow up with his dad, I fear that he will come back to me in pieces. Then I stop thinking about it. That’s what you have to do. I stop praying, I stop imagining the worst and I just focus on the pride.”

Hess explains that as wife of a fireman, her job is to stay together for her son, be there for her husband and help out if the worst happens to one of the other wives.

“I am proud of my husband, but I hate his job. I hate that I have to watch my best friend leave me to go help someone else and know that anytime could be the last time. But still, that is why I love him, a good man who chose to help people,” says Hess. “So…spine straight, head up and push those scary thoughts aside. My job is to be strong.”

Bianco agrees that the life of a fire wife is tough, but she is extremely proud of her husband.

“It totally disrupts your life, but it makes me incredibility proud. It makes me happy for him because he loves doing what he does,” says Bianco. “These guys love being out on strike teams and meeting guys all over the state and the commodore is incredible up there.  It sucks when you talk to them to find out they don’t show for 2-3 days so you feel bad for them. No matter what problems are going on at home, I try and figure it out on my own so he doesn’t have to worry about us while he is up there.”

For example, Bianco shared when her children were younger, last minute child care was an issue. Since she works 24-hr shifts from AMR, its not as simple as dropping them off for the day. A lot of time she would have to take days off, use sick time, or find a way to make it work.  She hopes people realize there is whole other side to a fire career when firefighters are called to major incidents.

She points out that this could occurs daily in Contra Costa County at one of the many stations as incidents sometimes occur towards the end of shifts and firefighters may get on a call where they are off at 8:00 am and do not get out until 11:00 or longer. A lot of times, wives have to get to work or make last minute adjustments in their day citing, its just part of territory when someone marries a firefighter.

Firefighters risk their lives on fires, saves lives that are fragile and encounter dangerous situations each and every day—especially on rough terrain of Mt. Diablo and the Rim Fire.

As we watch the fire burn over the horizon, and the focus is on the evacuees and homes in danger, which is rightfully so, it’s also a time when our community is reminded of how invaluable our heroes are.

But the community should also remember this is a time when the firefighters and their families feel the most pride and know in our hearts that it makes all the sacrifices we make as firefighters families worth it.

Written By Tami Wannamaker

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8 comments

Fire Wife Sep 11, 2013 - 9:17 am

The unsung hero’s of the public safety sector are the wives and children of police officers, fire fighters, emergency personnel and everyone else who runs into disaster and danger while everyone else runs away. On this day especially, my hearts hurts for those 343 wives, husbands and children who lost their fire fighters. Kudos Tammy, nicely stated.

AesopRedux Sep 11, 2013 - 11:18 am

Thanks Fire Wife for your comment including the wives (how about husbands too) of ALL First responders – especially those whose roles are not so positively romanticized in the public mind as fire fighting (think police). These spouses give a whole other level of support to our under appreciated, denigrated first responders – without the same rosy prestige.

Fire Wife Sep 11, 2013 - 12:22 pm

AesopRedux – You are absolutely right! All spouses and families who are waiting at home for their first responders.

Kenji Freitas Sep 11, 2013 - 9:47 am

Just wanted to say, we support our first responders. I see so many people post negative things about them, such as accusing them of racism, being overpaid, etc. I wanted you all to know not all Antioch residents feel that way. Thanks for your service.

JimSimmons42 Sep 11, 2013 - 9:58 am

Thank you ladies for also sacrificing to ensure our communities stay safe.

Firefighterswife- Ida May Sep 11, 2013 - 6:28 pm

Thank you Tami for a wonderful article ..being a firefighters wife is a tough job but one I’m very proud of.. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.. Along with a extended family we all belong too.. Brotherhood = Familihood

Jenn Sep 11, 2013 - 6:33 pm

Love this, great job ECT!!!!

Will Billau Sep 20, 2013 - 9:15 pm

There is a wonderful book that details the life a fire fighter and helps family and friends have a better understanding of their unique life and “work family”. I Love a Fire Fighter: What the Family Needs to Know by Ellen Kirschman is one I highly recommend; in it the life of a FF wife is better understood. For sure my wife and family are the true heros of the fire service!

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